do i loathe myself?

I'm having flashbacks of what was my life in the past
younger i never told the world how i felt inside
how horrible nightmares hunted me frecuently
or why i kept carefully my secrets for myself
it seems like the time stopped
i have not changed at all

Trying to hide me from the world
Avoiding situations that may be helpful for my sanity
no, i cant permit that
i think i am safe behind my walls
yes, keep it safe
better that way
better for who? Still don't know ...
for me? sure is not
i do feel fine, outside
life is glitter, shiny, magical...
see? i can make a smile...

so afraid of new experiences like a child in disney world
he likes mickey mouse but far away from him
thats me
then i regret and torture myself with what if's
what if i should try?
what if i should go?
what if i could leave my fears behind?
what if i should start my life?
What if i should give myself a chance?
What if there is not a second chance?
What would i do?

Im too scared of life
Im used to people let me behind, now i do it first
i lock myself between my walls...
if someone try to knock i will say No.
My favorite Phrases... I can't, I won't, I don't, I'm not

I will sit in from of the t.v. that is my life and watch it slowly die.

Fun its forbidden... i dont have that word in my dictionary
funny its something i am not, never will be
again the key to open this door is lost
Why did i choose this pink colored shit flavored kind of life?

xHecatex
2006