::: Broken Doll :::

When i was younger someone told me that people do not last forever
this is an unquestionable fact, i have no choice but to accept it
it costed me time to learn how to say goodbye
to those who were there and no longer with me.

Dreaming of a better day, keeping the lies to myself
that's the price to pay when you born after everyone else
it feels like walking on an empty road filled with spines and stones with no shoes
joy becomes a distant memory in my head.

Wishing i was blind, maybe that way i could escape from the truth
when nothing seems to care anymore
and cowardly, do not have to look the pain at the face.

That's the way i have always heard it should be
No matter what, no matter who we are
we are flesh, shall consume away one day
everything in this place comes to an end
it does not mean that i am made of steel
I cant carry the world on my shoulders
and cry for no reason.

I am made out of a mixture of things
not only flesh, blood, bones and tears
someday, somewhere, someone will be able to discover that
until that day, i'm gonna wait here
looking my reflection in the mirror of pain
like a scared little child waiting, hugging her broken doll
the one never fixed.

xHecatex
2005

:::: The Awakening :::

When you don't have reasons to wake up in the morning
And the sun becomes your lifetime enemy
When you can't smile like you mean it
When the cloudy day feels the same
and doesn't matter if is today or yesterday.

When people come and go like dust in the wind
leaving no memorable things
When you feel the sand under your feet
drawning your memories and increasing your fears
When time is no longer there and space isn't big enough for you to breath
Nothing seems clear, the light at the end of the tunnel its just another lie.

Silence is the response that you get when no one is there
darkness filling the air, your shadow coloring broken pieces of your mortal soul
When joy starts to be part of what you don't have
When hoping on better days doesn't give you any help
and your faith is not good enough, when you don't have anyone to pray.

When everyone's expecting you to be the way that you'll never be
when you are building your strenght against loneliness
seeking the wrong people at the wrong place
searching for the answer instead of living it.

There are many roads that can be taken
in determining your life's course
when finally you realize that everything you thought it was true in your life
at the end its not what it looked like
lying there tormenting yourself
will neither bring the time back or mend the broken heart.

xHecatex
2005

:: Becoming Invisible ::

i always wanted to be invisible
specially when i was little
for some strange unknown reasons
i cant understand or maybe i dont want to explain
so i could go anywhere i want without asking for permission
or quietly waiting to be guided
and no one would notice my presence
even better, my absence
it feels like my old dream
is becoming reality
and im doing what i do best
that is to close my doors
and keep the lights out
waiting in silence
behind enemy lines
it's stored inside to keep
Mix feelings of sorrow and hurt
Now you might know
what it sounds like in my mind
i'm becoming invisible
for reason left unsaid.

xHecatex
2005

::: Palabras sin reposo ::::

La noche sigue en estado de perfecta calma para dejar correr las letras
en las páginas inconclusas, esto se asemeja a eso que llaman libertad
sin prisas ni demoras, simplemente espacio, luz y palabras que cuentan algo.

A veces la eternidad del tiempo se hace invisible ante los ojos de la confusión
las ideas nacen como suaves suspiros y se alejan sin darme cuenta
no hay nada mas confortable que navegar en los profundo del pensamiento
ese lugar tan mio, al que nadie tiene acceso, mi planeta personal y
muchas veces mi única salida, mi última fuente de esperanza.

Más allá de mi ventana aguarda paciente el camino
lleno de rocas y grietas que algún dia he sola de recorrer
y al estrecharse no dejará de ser mi camino
aquél que dejaré de ver al convertirse en pasado
el dia en que ya no necesite de él
ese dia pudo ser ayer, hoy o tal vez no llegue nunca
mientras me quede sentada en la gris banca
con la mirada fija observando detrás del cristal
viendo pasar todo lo que no me tocó experimentar
y el alma pendiente de un largo hilo blando
sosteniendo lo poco que dejó el olvido.

xHecatex 2005